Documentary
Following a seven-year long surrogacy process, gay deaf couple Alan and Brian finally brought their hearing twin babies home from India to New York. However, their journey through fatherhood meets new challenges when the increasingly rambunctious kids start screaming "you don't understand me" at them. "LOUD Love" is their story, a documentary about parenting, growth and its occasional hurdles.
SYNOPSIS
“Loud Love” is a multi-cultural, multi-lingual, multi-abilities, multi-ethnic story, navigated by a gay deaf couple living in New York City. Having faced prejudice and discrimination through their childhoods and formative years, the couple decides to confront life’s challenges head on by having their own CODAs (children of deaf adults) through international surrogacy.
Born in the late 1960s, Alan and Brian, while both gay and deaf, had vastly different upbringings. Alan, the former “bad boy” from a typical Long Island Jewish household, received rigorous speech therapy and became “oral” under the supervision of his parents. On the other hand, Brian grew up on a small farm near Vancouver, Canada, where he was encouraged to fully embrace his deaf identity by his hearing family. The two fell in love in an elevator, had a classic Fire Island white wedding, and founded the most successful American Sign Language school in New York City. Their relationship also led Alan to pursue and achieve sobriety. Everything went smoothly until they decided to have children: after trying and failing for seven years in the U.S., they looked overseas and finally brought home a pair of hearing twins from India—Seth and Sela—through surrogacy in 2011 (unfortunately, the Indian government banned international surrogacy shortly after their highly-profiled case). Now the kids, rambunctious and loud, start hurling “you don’t understand me” at their deaf fathers.
Are Alan and Brian capable of pushing back against their parents’ doubts and worries by “setting a good example” for their children? Will they pass down the precious but rapidly diminishing deaf cultural heritage to their hearing children? How do their fatherly responsibilities affect the relationship between the bossy and sensitive Alan and the gentle yet resilient Brian? “LOUD Love” tenderly explores the growth of Seth and Sela as hearing CODAs and presents a unique yet relatable tale of fatherhood.
DIRECTOR’S STATEMENT
On May 2, 2015, I started following deaf gay couple Alan and Brian after learning ASL for only a few months (at Sign Language Center - a local school they owned and ran). The first personal event I filmed was their hearing twin children Seth and Sela’s 4th birthday party. It was hectic, loud, very very loud, and full of love. I was inspired - “This is the story I want to tell - two struggling dads try to have it all but something is always out of control.”
Over the next three years of production, I followed their business and social life as a fly on the wall. I witnessed the growth of the kids as they adapted to the unique life experience of being hearing CODAs and also watched Alan and Brian blossom as parents. I echoed their joys and frustrations, their love and its hurdles. The next six years was grueling. Rounds and rounds of editing, fundraising and networking; career and life milestones; births and deaths. At times I wondered if I would ever release the film. Upon becoming a father of two kids myself, Alan and Brian’s seemingly unusual family tale turned immensely relatable. It’s not just their language I understand; it’s the fatherhood.
I hope my film “Loud Love” can demystify how deaf people live their lives. The popular metaphor of using “silence” to describe the deaf only has explanatory power for the hearing. Their lives are far from silent but very loudly click, buzz, pop and roar, and the fundamental basis of communication is not sound, but connection. I also wish to challenge the very limiting norms of parenting—how other parents of different races, sexualities or cultural backgrounds, or with disabilities, SHOULD teach, discipline and love their children. It’s the myth of the “normal family,” so linear and absolute, that should be questioned and re-invented so that the society as a whole can recognize many types of personhood and parenthood. As a first-generation-immigrant gay dad of two young toddlers, I feel more and more drawn to this project, as I want to know: how does a child facing the burdens and shame imposed by societal norms, embrace a culture that is too often presented as “inferior”? And, from the viewpoint of the parent, pained by guilt and often inflexible unforgiving mainstream standards, how do you persistently love? I think we all share that, in one way or another.
P.S. Alan passed away suddenly in 2023. I wish he could watch the completed film at one of the screenings with his family he loved so dearly - wearing a shiny outfit and criticizing every on-camera “performance.” He would laugh and cry, so heartfelt, so lively, with his loud family, his devoted friends, and the Deaf community he and Brian helped build and foster.
Director: Bing Wang
Producer: Bing Wang & Delbert Whetter
Cinematographer: Bing Wang
Editor: Bing Wang
Love Wins International Film Festival • Hauppauge, NY • May 4, 2024 • [Jury Award]
Cinema Diverse: Palm Springs LGBTQ+ Film Festival • Palm Springs, CA • Sep 28, 2024 • [Festival Favorite] & [Director’s Choice]
Website: www.loudlovedoc.com
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